Living for You
by tvdunlop
Summary: Abbey and Jed have lived a charmed and blessed life. Now this strength is tested. Formerly titled Forever. Includes flashbacks to JedAbbey moments in the series.
1. Life is fragile

For each other

Jed/Abbey-one shot

It's easy to see the first couple is in love. They've had their hardships, but to everyone they live out the ideal marriage. Abbey sighed thinking of how many times she's heard people say these things. She waits, has to wait, to see her husband. Just then the door opens and the man walks out. He stops to talk to Debbie who nods at his words, then looks in her direction. His eyes fall on her and a smile graces his face. She moves towards him and they embrace, she's been traveling for almost a month. "You're early babe," his voice is in her ear. How does she explain that it's becoming difficult to live without him? She doesn't, instead she pulls away and says, "I just wanted to make sure you were staying out of trouble." Her eyes reveal what her words do not, he reads them easily, he knows. He takes her hand and they walk towards the communication bullpen, it's chaos as usual, familiar faces, many gone. Jed remembers the old days, with Leo, Josh, Sam and Toby. Only CJ is left, she runs his White House, is learning the ropes more quickly than he imagined was possible. She is too young to be this strung out, less than a year to go. He knows he's kept the country safe, created some new jobs, supported the working class, but he's not always sure he was the best person for the job. Would Hoynes have done better? He feels his hand being squeezed and he turns his head and meets her eyes. She has been his true companion for over thirty years. The day he met her, his life changed forever. "Abbey, so many…" Once again his sentence is incomplete, but to her, it has never made more sense. She nods, "things change Jed, and you can't stop that." But why Toby he wonders. "Maybe someday you'll find out," she knows the pain he feels over learning one of his closest advisors betrayed him. For Jed, betrayal is something too hurtful to acknowledge. Abbey knows him; he is only beginning to realize what she knows. That he has been broken by this job.

They head towards the residence, Jed's regrets lie between them. "Missed me huh?" his voice while serious, has a playful undertone. Abbey doesn't answer, she has trouble expressing vulnerability. Jed knows this and he won't press her. "Yes," her simple affirmative is all he needs. "Did something happen?" He knows she'll tell him if she wants too. She doesn't respond, "Do you want something to eat?" Concerned he sits, "sure, anything's fine." He remembers so many kitchen conversations, the girls doing their homework, Abbey cooking, him catching her up on the politics of the day. It was his favorite time with his family. Now Ellie is married, so is Liz. Zoey is off pursuing her dream, and her parents are still the first couple of the United States. They're still doing a routine, one that comforts them. "Abbey," his tone is firmer now, something she isn't telling him. Abbey doesn't respond yet, she's not sure how. She would like to wait for a few months until he's out of office, he doesn't need more strain, it'll be damaging to his health. He watches her every movement carefully, she's moving stiffly, and she's moving like she's in pain. The mere thought that she's cooking for him if it hurts her brings him to a standing position behind her. He takes the knife out of her hand and puts his arms around her. "Something's hurting you," he can't see her face. He's giving her some more time.

Abbey stands feeling the tears well up. She couldn't hide from him, she came home a week early for this and yet now she wishes she hadn't. "Jed, I…" she can't get the words out, this will hurt him, this will just bring him more pain. "We're in it together," he knows that tone, he's heard it as she's told patients that they're ill, that there's not much hope left. He feels her body, she's lost weight, and he knows her too well. She feels his pain come as he puts together the few clues she's left him. "I'm sick," her voice is steady now. He nods against her head, "Yeah babe, I figured that's what you were trying to say." "Jed, I'm scared," she would never admit this if it didn't drive her every waking moment. "I know," he doesn't pretend he can cure her. She knows he doesn't make false promises. "I won't leave you, we'll go through this side by side," that's a promise he's making to her. He knows she'll believe him, he wouldn't make it otherwise. She nods, "when do we tell the girls?" His daughters, their girls that was painful to think about. "How long?" he hates that ask that question. "They're not sure, a while, a year," that was the positive one. "Or…" he hates to do this. "Or a few months," she knows how he thinks. "We should tell them soon," he doesn't want to. "I don't want to tell them either." "I love you Abbey, more than the day I married you." She feels the cruelty of the situation spreading. She was so looking forward to having him back, to having a life outside the White House again. "We'll go back to the farm Abbey, as soon as I leave office, we'll go back there and we'll stay there." He is promising, she feels it. "I will give you the farm Abbey, we'll be happy there away from all this," he knows she is beginning to loath what this place has done to them. He is promising her their old life, but it won't be the same. "Things change Abbey, my love for you never will," that's enough for her. She turns in his arms, "let me make you something to eat, you need to get back." He shakes his head, "you're in pain Abbey." She shakes her head, "I'm happiest right here," he lets her chop.

Later that evening:

Abbey makes her way to the bed, eight years, how young they were then. How much time has gone by, Zoey has grown up, moved on, is no longer a little girl. She is strong again, but always haunted. Liz, dear Liz, has given them grandchildren, and is happy. Ellie, so newly married, so soon to be a mother. She wants to see her daughter give birth, wants to hold this grandchild. Will she be alive when Zoey gets married? She doesn't know. She hears Jed come in the room, "Abbey?" she detects panic, "in bed Jed," she doesn't say more. He appears, "are you okay?" So it begins, the endless worry, dragging at him day and night. "I'm fine Jed, I have meds, they're helping, I feel fine," he knows her too well. But she's telling him to believe her so for the moment he will.

He gets ready for bed and climbs in next to her, "Abbey we have to tell CJ soon." She nods, he's right. "Tomorrow," she doesn't want to think about it. They turn off their lights, "good night," his voice penetrates the darkness into which she is falling. It's time she asks him, "Jed?" "Yeah," his voice holds her there. "I'm going need you to hold me here, when things get too…" she tries to explain. "I won't let you go where I can't' follow, not yet, not now," another promise, he's made many tonight. "Promise?" she has to ask. "Yes," one word, such a little word, with such a big meaning.


	2. So it begins

Adjustment

Abbey:

She wakes feeling achy. Jed is already gone, just once she wishes they could wake up together wrapped up together feeling the breathing occur as one. She knows now that each day could be harder than the one before it. She pulls on a robe and makes her way to the bathroom where she takes her painkillers. She then walks down the stairs stopping short when she sees Jed making pancakes.

He's wearing an apron and she smiles softly, "Jed?"

He spins around with a boyish smile on his face, "Abbey."

He kisses her gently and leads her to a seat, "food?"

She doesn't have the heart to say no and she knows he counts on that. "I'll clean up," she says, "go to work." It's like the old days for them.

"C.J will be ready for us at one," he doesn't meet her eyes.

"Jed, you didn't tell me first?"

"Abbey, we need her to know, I need it so I can spend more time with you."

She struggles between anger that it takes cancer for them to spend time together and gratefulness that he's realizing how much she needs him now.

Later that afternoon:

Jed:

He enters with Abbey wondering how to say it, but she beats him to the punch.

"C.J, I've got cancer," his wife is direct, too much so for him.

His Chief of Staff tenses but somehow maintains her composure.

"C.J, we haven't told anyone yet, we'd appreciate if you could hold off for a few days until the girls all know." Abbey is also composed; she is factual, and careful.

"Yes ma'am, you have my word." C.J has been a good friend to them; she is both loyal and tactful. "C.J, I don't need to tell you how important it is that Jed and I tell them…" Abbey is nervous, otherwise she would have moved on. "Mrs. Bartlet, Abbey, I will not discuss this with anyone until you give me the clear go-ahead." God bless this beautiful woman, she is a true friend. Abbey suddenly seems tired, "Jed, I'm going back to the residence and inviting the girls down for the weekend." I nod, "I'll be up later," she stands kissing me on the head and walks out slowly. I turn my attention to C.J.

CJ's POV:  
My friend, the First Lady of the Untied States, is dying. I can tell from her expression that this is going to be a long road. I focus on the President, "Sir, how you are doing?" He can't be doing well at all, the thought of him without Abbey is foreign to me. "I've been better C.J, you?" I don't know what to say. "C.J, if you have any questions, come to me, in the meantime we really do appreciate your discretion." I nod, "of course sir, it's the least I could do." "I understand you'd like to tell others, right now Stanley is available if you'd like to talk to him." I hesitate, "he's the one who worked with Josh?" The President nods, "he will be in D.C until this Monday, here's his number." I take the card, "Thank you sir." He stands, "I'll be ready for a briefing in about a half an hour." So the work continues, endless, flowing unchecked.

Liz's POV:  
The phone is ringing, my son is playing catch in the house, my daughter is playing the piano and my husband is shouting into his cell phone.

"Annie, stop playing, Doug lower your voice," I pick up the phone.

It's my dad, "hi daddy, what's up?"

"Lizzie, we'd like you to bring the kids and Doug to D.C this weekend."

"Dad, we really can't do this on such short notice."

"Lizzie," his voice is strained.

"Okay Dad, one minute."

"Doug," my husband looks up irritated, "Something's going on with my mom and dad, I or we, have to go see them."

He nods, "Okay Lizzie."

So now we're on our way.

Zoey's POV:  
My cell phone is ringing, juggling my coffee and my shopping bag I pause by the door of the limo and the driver opens the door, the caller id says "Dad."

"Hi daddy," I hope I don't sound as awful as I feel, no need to let him know about everything through the phone line.

"Are you alright honey, you sound tired," my dad is the master at keeping up with his girls.

"What's up," I wait.

"Zoe, you need to come home for the weekend," his voice sounds so tired.   
"Daddy, what's wrong?" I hate that tone of voice from my dad, he sounds weak.

"See you Friday," he pauses, "I love you honey."

"Love you too dad," I can't get my mind to stop racing.

Ellie's POV:

I'm sitting with my hands on my growing belly and my husband picks up the phone, "Yes sir, she's here."

"Hi dad," I take the phone.

"Ellie, sweetie," my dad suddenly seems like he's choked up.

"What's wrong?" God I hate that sound of my dad crying, only once.

"Honey you need to come out this weekend," he sounds broken.

"Daddy, what happened, are you worse, is the MS…" I don't get a chance to finish.

"I'll see you Friday," he hangs up on me. I guess I understand, but I'm still nervous, still fearful. Something is wrong.

Abbey's POV:  
Jed hangs up, Ellie has been contacted. "They'll all be here," he takes me in his arms. I relish his strength. "I didn't think you'd ever have the chance of leaving me, I always thought I'd leave you," his voice is gentle. "I thought the same," I admit it.


	3. Where Would I be Without You?

Jed's POV

She's been by my side for forty years, she's challenged me to be a better person and she has never once let me down. I've never felt worthy of her and now God is punishing me for the times I took her for granted. She's sleeping in the bed and I watch her much slimmer figure as she dreams. Suddenly she starts shifting and I fear she is waking up. No, it's a dream, and a bad one. My wife is whimpering and she doesn't do that. She's rarely been challenged by bad dreams. I sit down next to her and take her hand, she's hot. Damn it!

"Abbey, sweetheart, it's me."

She's not hearing me yet, she's crying. I have to be strong for her; she always has been for me.

Flashback

Election Night

The crowds are waving wildly; it's been an exciting day. It's also been a hard one. I've been hiding from my staff. My hand has been shaking so much I haven't been able to sign anything and my head hurts. Only Charlie knows. Certainly, I'm on a high now, I feel wonderful, except for my sight, I couldn't see the teleprompter. It's scared me, luckily I can make things up quickly in my head. I feel Abbey's hand in mine, warm and tender. I'm so glad she's here. We step off the high stage.

"That was wonderful." She's beaming. She looks great in red, wild and sexy.

"That was fun." I agree eagerly. There are so many good people here.

"How you feeling?" She wipes hair back.

"I feel great." I assure her. I nod to someone and smile at another.

"Want a glass of water?" No I don't, she heard me, didn't she? I have people to thank. I won an election for goodness sake.

"No I'm fine." I brush her offer off again.

"You seem a little dry. You sure you don't want a glass of water?" What is it with her?

"Yeah." There's someone I know too, distractions, it's a pity I can't thank everyone individually.

"Maybe I should get you a glass of water just in case. You can hold it in your hand." She knows. How? It's Abbey, of course she knew. I glance around to check and see if anyone is looking. I feel the joy and exuberance drain slightly. I lean in. There are people, so I pull her closer; I need to know that I'm going to be okay. Abbey and I are so close now that she can read my every movement. I need the one person who knows me and treats me like Jed to tell me I'm going to be okay. I'm not a leader to her, I'm a man, and I'm real.

"How'd you know?" I don't speak loudly and this exchange is hard to have for me. It's hard to remember I can be weak in front of her after being strong for everyone else, she's the only one.

"You were off the prompter." Only she would notice.

"Just for a minute at the end I couldn't see it." I'm afraid now Abbey. I hate admitting this. I couldn't see.

"It's alright." Her assurance is instantaneous and firm. She's telling me it's alright; it's okay to be afraid. She isn't done and she inhales next to my ear, I feel the slight quiver in the suck of air.

"There are going to be more days like this. It starts now. It's going to be harder this time." Her voice is strong. How she can do this for me I'll never know. I've never seen her falter. She breathes life into me and sooths my fears in a way no one can.

"Yeah I know." I do know this, the weight of my future sits so heavily on me now.

"We can still have tonight though right?" I search her eyes; I need to know I can still be me. I see tears well up in her eyes and she smiles.

"You've got lots of nights." Her voice breaks slightly and I can hear the love and pride even through the tears. I nod gratefully and smile slightly, thank God for her.

"Smart people who love you are going to have your back." She knows what I need to hear. I'm not alone.

"Alright" I lean in to kiss her. I miss this, I miss my wife, and I miss contact, intimate love and strength. She is incredible, my rock and she's right. This will be harder. I need her now, she won't leave me. I kiss her cheek and her neck. Her hand slips around my neck holding me to her and I can only hope she knows that without her I'd be lost.

"Excuse me. You want to take another curtain call?" CJ is here.

I look at her asking for her permission. She's the only one who I ask.

"Sure." Her smile makes it all okay. I laugh and we wave again to the crowds.

Present

"Abbey, it's alright, it's me."

I gently brush her sweaty hair out of her face and she wakes with a start.

"Jed?" She's confused, shaking, this isn't like Abbey. It hurts to see her like this.

"I'm here," I squeeze her hand.

She makes eye contact briefly and then looks away, "I don't know what happened."

"Breathe, it's only a bad dream" I kiss her hand and I receive a smile for my efforts.

"Jed, can you get my blue pill bottle from the mirror?"

She's in pain, those are the painkillers, and I do her biding.

She takes them from me and quickly pours two into her hand swallowing them with a glass of water. She's still shaking, and watching her like this is devastating. Just then the phone rings.

"Mr. President," its CJ.

"CJ, unless World War III has started, you deal with it." My voice indicates that's an order.

"Yes Sir," she understands.

"Jed, you go down there," Abbey's insisting.

"No," I sit down.

"Jed, you have a country to run. I'm not going to die today."  
Her joke falls flat and I look into those beautiful eyes, "Abbey, I love you and I'm not leaving."  
Her eyes have tears, they glisten like stars.

"Jed please, I need you too. I need it to be okay for you to leave right now. I need a minute," she's trying to be strong. I don't want to take that from her. After everything I've heard about cancer, I know eventually she won't be. Only then will I be allowed to care for her and hold her. I need her to want me around from now on; I don't have all the time in the world anymore.

I dress quickly and leave her to freshen up.

Abbey's POV

He left after seeing me reduced to tears. I love him beyond words, I need him, but at the same time admitting that beyond our normal communication implies that I've lost a part of me that I treasured. I can't let him see how much the dream frightened me. I was in pain, my daughters were there and Ellie was so pregnant. I wasn't going to get to see my little girl give birth. I knew that in my dream as I saw her. Jed was there, so was the senior staff, I had collapsed. I let the water from the shower wash away those images. I prayed I wouldn't lose my ability to think, walk, and play with kids until we left this place. Cancer can kill quickly. I might not have many more days like this. I dress in a soft dress and sandals before making my way to the rose garden. I don't do this often, but I picked a group of flowers. Inhaling the scent, I imagined for a minute that I might see next spring and summer, but it occurs to me now that I might never again get to see the beauty of these flowers or stroll around picking them.

"Abbey?" He's here.

"Aren't they beautiful?"  
"You'll get to do this again," how does he know?

I turn around with wide eyes.

"I know you heart and soul Abigail."  
Silly me, of course he does, better than I know myself. It's the same for me.

"I was thinking this morning," he smiles.

"Oh really?" I kid.

"About that night, when we won our second term," It was always our second term, not just his. I'm grateful he realizes what a sacrifice our family has made.

"Yes?" I wait.

"You offered me a glass of water," his eyes look deep into my soul and I feel enveloped in warmth.

"Some days I'm going to offer you a glass of water, promise me you'll at least take it, even if you don't finish it." This is his way of telling me our roles can change and he will be there for me.

"So long as it's cold," I take his hand in mine, it's warm and gentle.

"I love you," he whispers.

"I know, I love you too Jethro." So much more is said in the silence as we make our way out of the garden.


End file.
